Here's me a few months before T.

My name was legally changed soon after that photo, on September 6, 2001.


This is me two days before starting T and an ovarian suppressant:
I was scared. caption
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Oct. 20th 2001 voice clip


One Month... no change.

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1 Month voice clip


December 22, 2001: Two Months... no real change here either.


2 Month voice clip


January 30, 2002: I'm at a little over 3 months now, and because I'm on a very low dose, I don't see much change. However, I may very soon be changing my method and/or dosage.

February 28, 2002: I switched from TestoDerm patches to shots of testosterone, 1 cc (200 mg) every four weeks.

March 30, 2002: I noticed a few dark hairs on my upper lip. (I'll put pictures up as soon as I can.)

April 5, 2002: Noticable voice change - 166 days, 37 days injection

April 15th 2002 voice clip - 176 days, 47 days injection

May 5th 2002 voice clip - 196 days, 67 days injection

June 20th 2002 voice clip - 242 days, 113 days injection (day of my 5th shot)

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From August, 2001 -
2 months pre T
From June 28th, 2002 -
250 days, 121 days injection

July 16, 2002: I shaved my face for the first time ever on June 17, 2002 (day 239, 110 injections) and since then, I've been shaving once a week because I get fairly noticable stubble on my mouth about that often.


From July 14, 2002

July 18th 2002 voice clip - 270 days, 141 days injection (day of shot #6)

August 5, 2002: - 288 days, 159 injection - I'm starting to get a bit hairier. My leg hair started coming in thicker months ago, but now my "happy trail" is really becoming visible, and I've sprouted some more hairs around my nipples. I'm generally fuzzier, and a bit of white fuzz has begun to creep onto the backs of my hands, fingers, and toes ... I really hope I don't become a bear (nothing against bears).

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"Happy Trail" Chest Hair

September 1st 2002 voice clip - 315 days, 186 days injection

September 17, 2002: - 331 days, 202 days injection - I just discovered a patch of hair on my lower back ...

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August 5th, 2002 September 17th, 2002

October 4, 2002: - 348 days, 219 days injection - There are definitely a couple of dark hairs sticking out of the sides of my face where my sideburns will eventually be. There's literally only 4 or 5 on each side, but that's a hell of a lot more than 0. Yay! Sideburns! Well... eventually... Also, I think my voice has dropped again, but it is pretty subtle. I can tell when I sing. I will do another clip on the 10th, the day of my last 200 mg shot. I will be switching from 200 mg every 4 weeks to 100 mg every 2 weeks. I've been trying to do this for a while, but there have been complications with prescriptions for syringes and mismatched schedules. Finally, I can switch to a less dramatic time span.

October 10th 2002 voice clip - 354 days, 225 days injection

November 27th, 2002: - 402 days, 273 days injection - Time for an update! I've been on 100 mg bi-monthly shots for a month now. I got my first one on October 25th. I think it has been a good thing. The most recent change is the development of more chin hairs. They were coming in only on the corners of my chin, but a few have sprouted from the middle of my chin and a little bit under it on my neck. It is still unnoticable from a distance, but I know that I have a baby version of a goatee. The chin hair grows much faster than anything else, so I end up shaving more often than I used to.
I also started using a prescription acne medication called Differin gel.

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August 5th, 2002 September 17th, 2002 November 27th, 2002

December 12, 2002: - 417 days, 288 days injection - I just discovered some new facial hair. There are a couple of dark hairs sprouting out the sides of my face on my cheeks and a few down the jawline on both sides of my face. There are also more on my chin. My chin hair is no longer limited to the corners. It's kind of a line along the bottom, but there is definitely more on the sides than on the middle. Of course, it's still not really anything anyone can see from a distance, but up close, it's really obvious.

December 23, 2002: - 428 days, 300 days injection - As of yesterday, I've been on T for 1 year and 2 months. I got my 5th 100 mg shot yesterday without realizing the date and its significance.

1 Year, 2 Month voice clip

2 months versus 1 year 2 months

January 26, 2003: - 462 days, 334 days injection - I'm getting more dark hairs down my jawline.

February 6, 2003: - 473 days, 345 days injection - Here's a comparison of me from June (8 months T, 4 months injection) to now (1 year 4 months, 11 months injection). I know it's not the best ... fuzzy webcam ...

8 months versus 1 year 4 months

February 21, 2003: - 488 days, 360 days injection - At True Spirit, a friend of mine counted the hairs on my face. Supposedly (and I have no idea how accurate this is), I have 51 chin hairs, 23 burns on one side, and 24 on the other. I also have 1 chest hair sprouting from the very center of my chest. It's long, and I didn't even think it was attached, but it is. Here's a comparison of me from this February (1 year 4 months, 11 months injection) to last February (4 months).

1 year 4 months versus 4 months

February 26, 2003: - 493 days, 365 days injection - This may be a better comparison of me from this February (1 year 4 months, 11 months injection) to last February (4 months).

4 months versus 1 year 4 months

April 2nd, 2003: - 528 days, 401 days injection - Body Hair Update! I'm becoming a hairy beast! Well ... sort of ... I've been told my happy trail is hairier, and I've noticed a few random hairs sprouting from my left shoulder. Gross. My facial hair is becoming something more noticable, although still not anything I can do anything with. It can be seen, and that's cool. I'm getting more hairs down my jawline, but it's still not even close to a beard. It's more like one or two hairs sprouting from the sides of my face, but there really are a lot on my chin and burns areas. I wish my camera could pick it up better.

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August 5th, 2002 September 17th, 2002 November 27th, 2002 April 2nd, 2003
April 2nd, 2003
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Dark Burns Light Burns

June 29, 2003: - 1 year 8 months, 1 year 4 months injection - SIDEBURNS!!! Or SideburN, rather, as I seem to have only one. I've been shaving twice a week, but starting lower past my ear to see what would happen if I let the burns try to grow. It looks like I've managed to almost create a sideburn. I'm also getting more tummy hair, I think.

singular sideburn

July 15, 2003: - 1 year 8 1/2 months, 1 year 4 1/2 months injection - This isn't a major change from my last post, really. I hadn't shaved in a few days, and I was looking a little fuzzy, so I thought I'd see if it would come up on camera. Then, I shaved but kept my sideburn as visible as possible. I tried to take a picture of the right side, but it didn't come up too well. The burn is more fully formed on the left side. There is just more hair on that side of my face right now.

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before shaving chin before shaving after shaving
me just being a bum
July 18th 2002 voice clip July 15th 2003 voice clip
270 days
141 days injection
1 year 8 1/2 months
1 year 4 1/2 months injection

July 23, 2003: - 1 year 9 months, 1 year 4 1/2 months injection - I just took a really quick webcam shot of my sideburn and it looked really thick. I also took a quick shot of my arm. Sorry for the blurriness.

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blurry sideburn blurry bicep

And this is a letter I received, dated July 18, 2003.

Dear Joshua,

I got the results back on your recent labs. All of your liver functions are entirely normal. Your testosterone level is 739, which is at the upper limits of the normal range, which I think is desirable.

I look forward to seeing you back for your next exam as we discussed. If you have any questions or concerns don't hesitate to give me a call.


My Doctor M.D.

October 5, 2003: - 1 year 11 months, 1 year 7 months injection - I did my own shot on Sept. 14th. Never again.

After my self-injection
Sept. 14, '03

This is a picture of my beard today. I tried something different the other day while shaving. I shaved under my burns, and the rest of my face and neck, except for my chin. I wanted to see if a little goatee would be the result. Here's where it is right now. It doesn't really look like anything.

my first attempt at a beard

October 13, 2003 - 1 year, 11 1/2 months, 1 year 7 1/2 months injection - I started proactiv for my acne, today.

December 22, 2003: - 2 year 2 months, 1 year 10 months injection - 2 years 2 months! Time for another comparison!


April 2, 2004: - 2 years 5 months, 2 years 1 month injection - Really really time for an update!!! I'm getting mad hairy. My facial hair is starting to fill out more. A lot of the time, I'm able to keep a little chin beard, even though it's still not that impressive. I'm getting hair under my chin now, too. More is coming in on my cheeks. I'm getting a LOT more chest hair now, too ... which I'm kind of iffy about. I don't want chest hair ...

I just shaved a few days ago, too, so these pictures aren't that impressive in terms of the amount of hair you can see, but oh well. I really needed to do this.

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Chin Beard
Apr. 2, 2004
Brand new under chin hair Look! Hairy cheeks!

April 7, 2004: - 2 years 5 months, 2 years 1 month injection - Chest hair pictures.

Easier to see when wet
Apr. 7, 2004
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August 5, 2002 April 7, 2004
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August 5th, 2002 September 17th, 2002 November 27th, 2002 April 2nd, 2003
April 7th, 2004

May 28, 2004: - 2 years 7 months, 2 years 3 months injection - GOATEE! It's actually there, although very sparse. Today, I was actually able to trim it with my beard and moustache trimmer. First time ever actually using it on my beard and moustache. I've had the trimmer since last summer.

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May 20, 2004
Look! It's there!
May 28, 2004
I trimmed it today!

June 25, 2004: - 2 years 8 months, 2 years 4 months injection - Woah hair! In the beginning of June, I noticed even more chest hairs coming in... more in the middle and some on kind of the undersides of my boobs.

June 4, 2004
More chest hair

Here's a fun comparison of me from my junior prom in 1997 and my 24th birthday party a few weeks ago.
May 1997 vs. June 2004

Also, my facial hair is starting to go nuts. I need to shave more often. Here's me being a slob before shaving and trimming.

June 24, 2004
being a bum
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June 24, 2004
Before shaving
June 24, 2004
After shaving

Check this out!

Pre-T with fake hair vs. 2 years 8 months on T

July 23, 2005: - 3 years 9 months, 3 years 5 months injection - Wow... has it really been over a year since I last updated here? Geez. Well, now is the time because I've finally gotten off injections and moved to the gel. I started the gel on July 19, 2005. I was supposed to receive an injection the Friday before that, but I went about 5 or 6 days in between needing the shot and seeing my doctor for the new prescription. So far, it's okay. We will see if this will help balance mood and acne since I am now on 5g a day as opposed to 100mg every 14 days. Supposedly, it should be no problem maintaining my T levels with this method. Also on June 18, 2005, I started on a topical acne treatment called Erythromycin. I think it's working. I still basically look the same, only I have more chest hair. It pops out the top of open polo shirts, and people can see it. I'd hardly call it a lot of hair, but it's plenty for me, thanks. I think I'll get more, but we'll see what gel can do.

July 23, 2005

December 30, 2006: - 5 years 2 months - It sure has been a while, huh? A lot has happened since I switched to gel. There's a lot to be said, I'll try to just outline the main points. Basically, the gel ended up not being therapeutic. My acne went crazy, my T levels dropped to women's levels, and I therefore, started getting a regular period again with ovulation. The periods came back in March of 2006. Here is a blog entry that I'm copying from July 18, 2006:

"Okay, kids, today was the day. I did the endometrial biopsy funtimes, and I did it all by myself. Okay, well, I didn't *do* it myself. The doctor did. But, again, I visited the doctor alone, and for a pretty horrifying procedure.

That was the longest any doctor's been poking around at my downtown bits, but I was okay and she was awesome.

This is Dr. Motyka, for all you tarheels. She rocks. Great bedside manner. Totally lived up to her reputation for that.

So we talked about what's going on... y'all know I've been bleeding since March. Okay, now, not like continously but very regularly, every month, just like women do, with ovulation to boot!

I've been on T for almost 5 years, so yeah, that's not supposed to happen. In case you didn't know. My last period before March was April...

Of 2002.

So... Dr. Deanna Jones (also great) had in June referred me to Dr. Motyka because she thought my bleeding must be some irregularity and that my T levels must be fine because I had tremendous cystic acne which she believed must be T-induced. I surely hope so. Well, we did labs and panels, etc. All derivative of a horrible drawing of blood that took years... it probably never ended. Is there still a needle in my arm now, actually? Anyway, I found out the results of that today at Dr. Motyka's. Cholesterol and liver function is all normal.

My T level is a whopping 20.

For all the newbies and laymen out there. Normal male free testosterone levels range from 200-800, with 800 on the high end. My T levels were low last July just before switching from injections to gel. From July to October they shot from low hundreds to 1170. That's bad. From December-ish to now they dropped from 1170 to 20. Also bad. Makes sense that I began my period in March.

So, we also did an endometrial biopsy just in case. An ibuprofin was taken. Cervix numbed. And poke away did the doctor.

It wasn't exactly a barrel of fun, but I did okay because they were so nice. The nurse held my hand when I huffed and puffed.

Dr. Motyka said I was very brave and handled it all very well. "Impressed," she said.

She was very nice, and told me I'm in control, and we could stop whenever. She said there's a lot of sense memory down there, and if anything bad is triggered to let her know, and it's over. Little did she know, I'm a bottom, so her finger sliding in wasn't exactly foreign to me. But metal and long tube-y things don't need to be going in there.

I watched the nurse squeeze the pieces of my uterus into a little bottle.

So, for now, we think things can be fixed without surgery. However, should I want a hysto, we would be able to pursue that route. But since I'm not exactly thrilled about that idea, she believes this can be treated and responsive to medicine... a slightly upped dose to get me up to at least 100 in free testosterone. For now, I'm going to continue with the Retin-A, but if in August my face isn't how I want it to be...


Thank god.

But I am wondering, with a T level of 20 where is this acne coming from? It's not genetic."

Dr. Motyka believes that my T levels that were over 1000 were probably inaccurate because they were mostly likely drawing through areas I had put the gel on. That's why they were unnaturally high readings. Likely my T levels were actually too low. In the end, the conclusion was that the gel didn't work so I switched back to injections in September of 2006. Oh and by the way, I didn't start acutane. Dr. Jones gave me Retin-A in June, and I've been using that ever since. The higher T dose on injection plus the Retin-A has helped tremendously. It's still there, but not nearly as bad. It's really not bad at all, but I would like it to be gone completely.

But in September, I started on standard dose injections (the first time I've ever been standard dose.) This was under the theory that standard dose is really what I need to shut down everything to stop bleeding and hopefully clear my skin. I agreed. I also want it now, and would like my beard to fill in. It turned out the standard dose was too high, so in October 2006, we dropped it to 3/4 dose injection. My voice dropped somewhere along the line, surprisingly. Some people can tell, some can't. I definitely can.

A lot of body hair has been coming in.
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Dec. 23, 2006
after about 4 days
Dec. 23, 2006 after shaving
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Apr. 2, 2004 Dec. 23, 2006
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Easier to see when wet
Apr. 7, 2004
Dec. 23, 2006
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December 23rd, 2006 December 23rd, 2006 December 23rd, 2006
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August 5th, 2002 September 17th, 2002 November 27th, 2002 April 2nd, 2003
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April 7th, 2004 December 23rd, 2006
December 23rd, 2006

December 30th 2006 voice clip - 5 years, 2 months, 8 days